Talking ...

...previously...

She hear's somebody talking, a garbled TV channel. There's no transmission from Alpha Centauri; ET doesn't exist.

'That is it, you will be quiet now!' she scolds the noise, 'you will be quiet and sit down!' she mothers. The noise continues, more intense than previous.

'Fool' she chastises, 'I have done that already. It doesn't repsond to empty threats.' Here she takes a deep breath and listens. The noise changes like an optical illusion, a garbled mushroom morphing into a roaring lion. It creaks and cracks.

She loses herself.

'Its because of that time, on the coast. Too many drinks. He was athletic. He was good; fun and strong. But should have said good-bye. Eric was right to leave me after that. Can't sleep with people. Can't get away with it. It was one time, one slip up. Fun. I was honest. He could have been more forgiving. No, it was my fault. Punishment. That is what its about. A cane to the tender back.'

'It wasn't just one time.'

'Wasn't it? Oh, high school. But we were kids; it didn't matter. It does matter. He was hurt too. But he probably was doing the same thing. But why was he hurt. He was hurt too. I hurt him.'

'That was very bad.'

'Its not that bad. I haven't been married, I am free. But it hurt them. But Its OK now, They will get over it. I am being punished.'

'More - there were others. You nymph. You whore.'

Here she lays back - holding her temples. The tinnitus roars.

'It is not about punishment - it has never been about punishment. You can't be punished for invented stories. That never happened. Shut Up.'

She welcomes the prickle weed sensation on her neck. 'If only there were foil to chew.' She lies down. 'Your Move.'

rhino

The false wit of calling a Dickens classic dickensian.

In an oft asked question in the now serially frustrating line of questions, I ask; what would the world be like without toilets?

Lets just say, as a paradoxical fault of evolution, the human race never felt the repulse to excrement. Perhaps signs like above would be more forthcoming. "Please Poo here!" an oddly scrawled note would be posted on the window of a bohemian coffee shop. The high-end oyster bar would surely have some stylish note atop the menu, in scrawled loop type face, "Please find yourselves welcome to excrement as you see fit."

Indeed, people would walk through the street, kicking their feet through the stuff as if it were an autumnal cover of deep brown leaf.

I will stop now.

rhino

Snake licking so and so

I don't think I have ever received a Christmas bonus to write home about. I'm not complaining. But every year I am reminded of Mr. Griswald's infamous rant. Crack's me up every time.

So below is the transcript, above the vid. Enjoy.

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me. I have one……..I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight.

I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a……..

• cheap
• lying
• no-good
• rotten
• four-flushing
• low-life
• snake-licking
• dirt-eating
• inbred
• overstuffed
• ignorant
• blood-sucking
• dog-kissing
• brainless
• dickless
• hopeless
• heartless
• fat-ass
• bug-eyed
• stiff-legged
• spotty-lipped
• worm-headed
• sack of monkey shit HE IS!…

…..Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

rhino

The Key to Life...

The Key to Life is to not define your happiness, or otherwise, by money.


rhino

Noise

'The infernal ring was excruciating. It pulses, It ebbes and flows. It roars and whistles.' That is the entry of a journal written by Sal, about two years ago. She went to another loud club and came home with the H-Bomb Tinnitus. First it lasted one day. After one week she was really worried. She climbed the ceiling every night, looking for a way to sleep, to escape. But one can only take so little sleep.

'Get used to it.' Her normally friendly doctor had prescribed. She didn't know if she had meant, 'Get used to it, it will last forever' or 'Get used to it you pathetic creature, everybody else has.' The sleeping tablets had helped but the noise continued unabated. She had a hearing test. Normal. Some more advice. Anxiety?

She sat on park benches thinking of analogies. She came up with good ones; a nail, permanently in the shoe, a flashlight, permanently on the periphery or a mouth ulcer, always just healing. She was a rather clever person actually. She generally made clear decisions and was well grounded, had an acumen for business and had a very good method of self appraisal and criticism.

The tinnitus escaped her.

Today, like any other day, she is seeking relief. Today, she has decided to confront it head on. Its what everybody won't advise. The experts say; looking away, hearing away and working away is the best way. It's not her way.

Thus here she sits, deep in the tangle of a metropolitan park, cars noise about equally distant all around. She sits in a shady nook, a spot where lovers would surely see fit for a tryst. She closes her eyes and listens. She listens to her roar.

Somebody is talking. ... ... ... ... ... ...

rhino

Nice!

Its nice to be complimented for something you have not contributed to in any way, shape or form. Out of the four urinals here, in Fed Square, this one had a little, congratulory plaque.

I did not design this urinal. Nor, did it ever occur to me to bring 4 litres in a flask to pour down the urinal to help wash it. I simply felt the urge (conceivably linked to the amber intake previously) and was congratulated.

To the inventors of said urinal, I doff my cap, this was meant for you.

rhino

Dichotomies, anyone?

News today is that the Convicted Lockerbie bomber has been well received, back home, in Libya. This whole scenario perfectly tipifies the dichotomy of opinion amongst us humans. The American relatives of the dead think the man is guilty and should die in Jail. The British feel that he was wrongly imprisoned and thats why he has been set free in his final days. The Libyans are rejoicing.

But just like pretty much everything in life, there are two sides to the story and nobody really knows anything about it.

If I eat a red MM, I am missing out on a green one.
If my football team wins, somebody else's loses.
If I lose a 20 buck note, somebody finds a note.

Its everywhere. The sooner people accept it rather than fight it; the better it will be.


rhino

Sitting in Traffic

I don't sit in traffic often. Its generally quite unpleasant; fumes, dirty road, nowhere to put your hands nor nothing to look at and the eternal danger of being runover. Seriously, I never sit in traffic in my car either, just mainly through luck or otherwise. But I did the other day, on the freeway.

One tends to build a relationship with the car infront. You learn their traits, mannerisms and idiosyncracies. This particular guy seemed to be baffled that the traffic would stop again. "How is this possible", he seemed to cry through his brake lights.

He would floor the accelarator and then brake incredulously when traffic stopped one second later. He also could not stop looking for a way out of the lane, any movement would mean a mirror and head check and then braking would leave him too close to the guy infront to change lanes. And this went on and on.

Every few moments he would shift around furiously, as if his mobile phone had fallen into some god fardsaken crevice, then traffic progress would distract him once again.

Then alas, coming down the Westgate bridge, traffic flowed freely and my flawed traffic friend disappeared in puff of dust. It was almost like I'd lost a friend. Yet, I never wanted to meet him again.

rhino